Rhythm Heaven (DS) and Rhythm Heaven Fever (Wii)

This is a fun one. Rhythm Heaven is a rhythm game series. (Just going to let that sink in.) Unlike popular rhythm games that involve fingering instruments, tapping buttons in certain locations at certain times, or sliding circles across paths with inhuman precision (I still love you, Cytus), or singing, Rhythm Heaven is very straight forward. In the DS games, the only commands used are tapping the touch screen, holding, and sliding. That is all you do. Rhythm Heaven Fever has even easier controls. You press or hold A. Sometimes, you press B at the same time as you press A. That is it. No third hand is necessary. No expensive instruments are necessary. All you need is a natural inability to notice input lag and the appropriate console. Such simplistic controls forces the game developers to be creative. They certainly were.

I am likely to spend more time talking about Rhythm Heaven Fever, as have played it far more than the DS game. However, the DS game is easily Fever‘s equal.

Fever begins with the Rhythm Test. I am almost certain that the Rhythm Test exists solely to rid your senses of the terrible lag between beginning to depress the button and the button being fully depressed that comes with any game in which the buttons on a controller are used. After the Rhythm Test, you are plunged into Hole in One, where various simians throw golf balls, and you have to time your swings to get unrealistically good shots. Other games worthy of mentioning are Board Meeting, in which you play with a revolving chair and must stop spinning at the right time, and Donk-Donk which, according to the game, is “hard to explain.” It features characters that are officially called “Uh… these guys?”

Generally, the game progresses as follows: you play ten regular games and then a remix of those ten games, in which all the games you just played are compiled. During remixes, the player must react to or memorize the sudden changes between games. The infamous Remix 10 in Rhythm Heaven Fever is worth checking out; it, as well as its DS counterpart, combines every single game up to that point for a total of thirty different games in one remix. Watching perfect runs of Remix 10 will amaze you at how little life the player has. Players pass games by successfully landing 70% of inputs and earn medals for games by landing 90%. I have all the medals in Rhythm Heaven Fever, because I hated myself enough to suffer through Love Rap 2 for three straight hours.

If you really hate yourself, though, go for 100%. Occasionally, a “perfect chance” will appear on a game. You then have three tries to have a perfect run of that game. I always miss the last input. Every time. Every chance. While you are playing a potential perfect run, “Go for a Perfect!” flashes in the corner of the screen. It makes a crashing sound if you miss an input so that, if you are able to control your screams of agony, others will still be able to hear how much of a failure you are. I have invested far too much time in these games, and you should, too. They are under-exposed and are quite good. Please, don’t let me suffer alone.

Any rage or other emotion regarding this article may be directed to the comment section below, or dodongoknight64@rochester.rr.com. I’ll probably answer you. Maybe.